A Not-so-Purrfect Plan
by Zeplerfer
Summary: Using all of his cunning as a Slytherin, Arthur finds a sneaky way to spend time with his Hufflepuff crush. USUK, Pottertalia, Nekotalia, Slytherin!England x Hufflepuff!America.


"Here, kitty, kitty," a blond-haired Hufflepuff said soothingly as he reached out his hand to grab a kitten stuck in a tree. He balanced on his broomstick several meters above the ground, but each time he got closer, the cat climbed to a higher branch.

The students milling about the courtyard between classes watched his efforts with a variety of expressions. "You can do it, Alfred!" the other Hufflepuffs shouted in encouragement.

"It's a cat. It will figure out how to come down on its own," a Ravenclaw insisted before sticking her nose back into a book.

And one Slytherin boy watched unobtrusively from the shadows of the courtyard. Arthur pretended that he was fixing his tie between classes, but his eyes kept drifting back to Alfred and his heart pounded loudly in his chest when the Hufflepuff reached for the kitten and nearly overbalanced.

Arthur's eyes narrowed as he noticed two other Slytherins watching from the other side of the courtyard with evil grins. Even by Slytherin standards, Jude and Blake were considered cruel, stupid, and mean. Arthur hurried over to distract them before they could do something vicious to Alfred or the poor kitten.

As soon as Arthur walked into view, Jude and Blake immediately turned their attention to him. "Hey Artie, looks like your stupid boyfriend is being outwitted by a cat."

"He's not my boyfriend," Arthur replied calmly, crossing his arms as he stealthily pulled his wand out of its pocket beneath his upper arm. It was so much easier to surprise his enemies with a spell when they never saw it coming. " _Confundo_ ," he muttered under his breath, focusing his attention on Jude.

The greasy-haired boy jolted suddenly and blinked. "Shit, I forgot my wand in my room!"

"God you're such an idiot," Blake complained. He suddenly blinked as Arthur cast the charm again. "Wait, I forgot mine too."

The two bullies hurried off and Arthur smiled to himself. He turned around to find that Alfred had grabbed the kitten and flown back down to the ground, where he was being mobbed by a group of excited Hufflepuff girls. Arthur's smile disappeared. He slipped his wand back into his hidden pocket and walked away.

It was unthinkable for a smart, successful, suave Slytherin to have a crush on a Hufflepuff. Yet here Arthur was, pining desperately for a pudgy teenager with blond hair, a goofy smile, and yellow-lined robes. As much as Arthur wanted to talk to Alfred and get to know him better, he couldn't without committing social suicide. He had learned his lesson the first time he had said hello to Alfred in the hallway. He had been relentlessly teased for weeks afterward.

And so Arthur settled for surreptitiously watching his crush whenever they passed in the hallways. Like a spy, he collected fragments and details about Alfred's life. Alfred liked to chat with the paintings and he adored the floating candles and endless buffet in the Great Hall. He was clumsy and endearing. Although Alfred wasn't coordinated enough for the Quidditch team, that didn't stop him from happily zipping around on his broomstick with his friends and playing mid-air frisbee. Arthur enjoyed watching sometimes, but if anyone asked, he would have claimed that he was just outside enjoying the rare day of sunshine.

Alfred was about average in all of his classes. For the most part, he seemed to skate through life with a happy and care-free attitude. If Alfred were an animagus—a wizard who could turn into one animal at will—he would be a fluffy golden retriever with a constantly wagging tail. The only time he wasn't laughing or smiling was when he saw a ghost; even the amiable Fat Friar left him quivering in terror. It was easy to see why he hadn't been sorted into Gryffindor.

Physically, Alfred looked like a sixteen-year-old still growing into his body. He had thick glasses, round cheeks, and a tender smile that made Arthur swoon every time he saw it. But there was a hint of a muscular build in his biceps that drove Arthur to distraction as he imagined what the boy would look like in a year or two.

Although Alfred was popular with the Hufflepuff girls, he didn't have a girlfriend, which made Arthur hopeful. Alfred didn't have family wealth or a good name, but his sweet, honest kindness warmed Arthur's heart. Alfred was like a ball of human sunshine and Arthur desperately needed more sunshine in his life.

Arthur didn't know what to do. He sighed and focused on his Transfiguration homework until a wonderful idea creeped into his head. Arthur's plan involved a difficult, time-consuming spell, but he was confident that he was resourceful enough to master it.

What if there was _another_ way to get close to Alfred? A way that no one would ever suspect…

* * *

On a dark and stormy night, Arthur stood in the boy's second-floor lavatory and waited for lightning to strike. He held a vial with a pitch-black potion in his shaking hand and softly chanted " _Amato, animo_ ," under his breath.

As soon as a flash of lightning struck the ground, he gulped down the bitter potion. Seconds later, a crack of thunder filled the room and spooked the owls. Arthur flicked his wand three times and finished the incantation, " _Animato, animagus_!"

His insides twisted uncomfortably and he nearly retched as he dropped to the tiled floor. The world blurred around him and he barely managed to land on all fours. He was much lower to the ground and his vision in the darkness suddenly improved dramatically.

Arthur wanted to look at his reflection, but the mirror above the sink was too far away. Acting almost on instinct, he tensed his leg muscles and leapt upwards. He landed gracefully on the edge of the sink. Glancing back at him in the mirror was a common house cat. He was mostly white with a few brown markings on his face and tail. His most notable feature was his folded ears and the dark stripe markings where his thick eyebrows would have been.

The Slytherin mrreowed in disappointment. He had been hoping for a really cool animal form, like a unicorn or a lion. On the other hand, a simple cat would be ideal for sneaking around. A lion would have attracted too much attention.

Eager to test out his new abilities, Arthur jumped down from the sink and sauntered through the quiet hallways after curfew. The castle was much different from a cat's perspective. Corridors seemed to stretch on for miles and his sensitive ears realized how many mice wandered beneath the floorboards. The other cats gave him wide berth—they could sense there was something different about Arthur. But even his newfound abilities as a cat couldn't distract Arthur from his mission; he soon found his way to the kitchens. Everyone knew that Hufflepuffs liked to take advantage of their proximity to the kitchen to steal snacks after curfew and Alfred in particular was known for his healthy appetite. After an hour of waiting, Arthur's patience was rewarded when Alfred and a few of his friends quietly slipped into the kitchen for a midnight snack.

Thrilled by his good luck, Arthur followed them into the stone corridor that led down to the Hufflepuff common room. It resembled a comfy Hobbit's burrow with a low, wooden ceiling and a collection of cozy armchairs. Houseplants decorated the edges of the room and even late at night, magical candles hovering just below the ceiling gave the room a warm glow. Circular doors of honey-colored wood on each side of the room led to the student bedrooms.

Arthur followed the boys into their bedroom. At the center of the room was a blanket fort were the boys huddled together as rain pounded against the small, round windows that were just level with the base of the castle.

None of the Hufflepuffs noticed the cat moving silently in the darkness as they eagerly dug into the snacks. It was easy to spot Alfred—he was loud and boisterous and eating more than his fair share of the chocolate frogs. He sat next to his twin brother—Matthew—and two other Fifth Years, Finley and Isaac.

Arthur curled up in a warm spot behind Alfred and eagerly eavesdropped.

At first the boys talked about their classes and Arthur nearly fell asleep from boredom. He already knew that Alfred loved Astronomy and hated Charms. His ears remained folded against his head, but his interest perked up when the boys shifted over to the topic of girls.

"…finally worked up the guts to ask Phoebe to Hogsmeade and she said no. Then I asked Holly and she was mad I had asked Phoebe first," Isaac complained.

Finley nodded his head sympathetically. "That sucks."

Alfred tilted his head to the side and popped another chocolate frog into his mouth. "Weird. Holly goes with me to Hogsmeade all the time."

"Well, duh." Finely rolled his eyes. "She knows you fancy blokes."

If Arthur had a fist, he would have pumped it. Instead he settled for swishing his tail excitedly. Confirming that Alfred was gay was the best present he had received since his parents sent him a Nimbus 5000 for Christmas.

"Yeah, you're lucky," Isaac added. "You don't have to deal with all of this stupid girl stuff."

"You'd probably have better luck if you didn't call them stupid girls," Matthew interjected quietly.

Alfred shoved the last chocolate frog into his mouth and shrugged despondently. "At least you have girls to choose from. All the guys here are straight."

"There's gotta be a few gay guys," Finley replied encouragingly.

"Not that I've found." Alfred crossed his arms and pouted adorably.

Arthur couldn't help himself, a purr rumbled deep in his throat. His crush was available! And gay! And looking for a boyfriend!

"Do you hear that?" Matthew asked, glancing in Alfred's direction.

Finley laughed. "Dude, tell your stomach to stop grumbling. You just ate!"

"It's not me!" Alfred replied indignantly. He glanced over his shoulder and his eyes widened in shocked delight. "Ooh, it's a kitty!"

Arthur didn't have a chance to react before strong hands grasped him and he was suddenly pressed against Alfred's chest. One hand stroked him across the back and another scratched him beneath the chin. Arthur closed his eyes in sheer ecstasy. He had never felt a sensation as amazing as scratches under his chin. His purr grew as loud as a rumbling engine.

Isaac shook his head and snorted. "Man, why are gay guys always a pussy magnet?"

The boys laughed and soon decided it was time for bed. Arthur found it hard to pay attention to their conversation when Alfred's hands were stroking his body. Being cradled in Alfred's arms was the most comfortable sensation in the world and Arthur eagerly allowed himself to be carried into Alfred's bed. He curled up on Alfred's chest and purred happily as he watched the Hufflepuff drift off into slumber.

Arthur meant to sneak away and return to his own bedroom before his yearmates noted his absence, but he was too warm and comfortable to leave. He snuggled up next to his crush and was lulled to sleep by the steady rhythm of Alfred's heartbeat.

* * *

In the middle of the night, Arthur's bladder woke him up. He realized he hadn't considered the bathroom aspects of being an animal, but it was too risky to turn back into his human form while in the Hufflepuff dormitory. What if someone else woke up and decided to use the bathroom? Driven by instinct, Arthur slipped out into the common room and used one of the house plants as a litterbox. He would have flushed with embarrassment if he wasn't covered in fur.

Business accomplished, he returned to Alfred's bed and curled up next to the sleeping Hufflepuff. Despite his embarrassment, he couldn't help but purr in contentment.

* * *

The next morning, Arthur woke as soon as he felt Alfred begin to stir. He stretched his back and padded over to the foot of the bed. He watched eagerly as Alfred climbed out of bed and changed his clothes. As he suspected, the hint of baby fat was already giving way to muscles.

After shamelessly watching his crush get dressed, Arthur followed Alfred to the dining hall and took full advantage of his new form to do something he had never been able to do before: spend the entire day hanging out with his crush.

Alfred fed him sausages at breakfast, losing 10 points for Hufflepuff when a professor spotted him and shouted angrily that pets weren't allowed at the breakfast table.

After breakfast, they headed to the library and Arthur curled up in Alfred's lap while Alfred studied. He napped as Alfred gently stroked his fur. It was the most relaxing hour of Arthur's life and even the knowledge that his own homework was being neglected was not enough motivation for him to slip away and return to his human form.

Arthur enjoyed being carried around the castle and even took the opportunity to rub his soft, furry head against Alfred's chin. He had never realized how much he wanted someone to hold him and cuddle him, and he soaked up the tender affection hungrily. A purr rumbled deep in his chest and his heart overflowed with happiness. He barely noticed the presence of other people when they returned to the Hufflepuff common room and some of the girls came over to coo at Alfred and his adorable cat.

"Oh my gosh, look at those cute ears!" Phoebe gushed. She reached out to scratch them. Arthur was too contented to hiss at her, but her scratches just didn't feel the same.

"I didn't know you had a cat," Holly said.

Alfred shook his head, though he was careful not to jostle the cat too much. "Oh, he's not mine. He just showed up last night."

Phoebe looked worried. "Do you think he's lost?"

"Nah, I think he just likes the attention. He's a super affectionate kitty."

Arthur had never been called affectionate in his life, but he purred anyway. If he could spend every day curled up next to Alfred, it was tempting to never become human again.

"I don't know what his real name is, but I think I'll call him 'Figgy Pudding,'" Alfred continued with a bright smile.

If Arthur could have rolled his eyes as a cat, he would have. Unfortunately, his facial muscles didn't allow enough room to show his displeasure. He settled for flattening his ears even further against his head.

"I don't think he likes it," Holly remarked.

"That's just the way his ears look," Alfred blithely replied.

As much as the name irked Arthur, he still enjoyed the sweetness and innocence of his adorable crush. The boy was a huge dork and Arthur loved it. His whole life had been filled with people who lied constantly and acted always based on ulterior motives. Alfred was nothing like the other people in Arthur's life. He was just a good, honest boy who Arthur was completing deceiving by turning into a cat. Arthur felt an unaccustomed pang of guilt.

He buried his face against Alfred's neck as the boy carried him into his bedroom and dropped his books onto his bed.

"Hey, mind if I borrow that cat?" Isaac asked as soon as Alfred walked in. He glanced out the doorway at Phoebe and Holly, who were still chatting in the common room.

"Sure!" Alfred happily replied, handing over Arthur without so much as a by-your-leave. Arthur was having none of that. He leapt down before Isaac could get a good grasp and ran back into the common room. Arthur meowed at the door until Phoebe opened it for him, letting him out into the hallway. Before he left, Arthur glanced back. "Bye, Figgy!" he heard Alfred call.

Arthur slipped into an empty classroom and focused on transforming back into a human. But as hard as he concentrated, nothing happened. Arthur slowly began to panic. He'd been so focused on turning into an animal that he hadn't spent enough time reading about how to become human again. When he transformed, he had used his wand. But to transform back required wandless magic, and Arthur had never mastered those spells.

He was trapped. As a cat. Suddenly his plan didn't seem like such a good idea after all.

* * *

Arthur padded into the library and found his lack of thumbs was a major impediment to pulling out a book and reading it. It was even harder when the librarian grabbed her broomstick and swatted at him until he left. "No pets in the library!" she hissed menacingly.

When he tried to get into the Slytherin common room in the dungeons, a couple of his classmates shot stinging charms at him that Arthur barely managed to dodge. He hid beneath a tapestry and resisted the urge to hiss at Jude and Blake.

Arthur had no idea what to do next. No one knew about his plan, so there was no one he could ask for help. His tail hung low between his legs as the pit of his stomach filled with bitter fear. Desperately hoping for comfort, he went back to the kitchens.

By the time he arrived, the Hufflepuffs were already heading to the Great Hall for lunch en masse. Arthur found Alfred in the crowd and twined himself between the boy's legs. Alfred glanced down and gave him an apologetic look. "Sorry, Figgy. I can't feed you this time. I already lost points for Hufflepuff at breakfast."

Alfred sadly shooed Arthur away and Arthur slunk outside with his tail between his legs. Now he was upset and hungry and he had to go to the bathroom again. He headed outside and found a quiet spot between some daisies, then covered up his business with dirt as quickly as he could.

The sound of barking was Arthur's only warning before he saw the pack of Crups running his way. They looked like Jack Russell Terriers, but with forked tails. Arthur panicked and ran away as fast as he could. The dog-like creatures were soon on his heels. Without thinking, Arthur raced up a tree and panted for breath on the highest branch he could reach. The Crups howled beneath him and tried to scramble up the tree.

Arthur trembled with fear and hung onto the branch with all his might even as the Crups managed to shake the tree. After a few minutes, his thumping heart managed to calm down when it became obvious that the Crups would never be able to reach him. Arthur was hungry and exhausted, but he was safe—for the moment.

* * *

The rain returned after an hour, finally driving the Crups away. As much as Arthur welcomed their absence, the sensation of cold rain pelting his fur was terrible. It felt matted and awful against his skin. He finally understood why cats hated rain so much.

Although his immediate problem was gone, Arthur stared down at the ground far below him and realized he had no idea how to climb back down. Fear and instinct had enabled him to race up the rough bark, but fear was keeping his claws gouged into the branch.

He couldn't get back down. He couldn't turn back into a human. Suddenly, all of his high marks were meaningless. This wasn't a problem that good grades, good pedigree, or a high social status could solve. He needed someone else's help.

Arthur mewled pitifully, hoping to catch someone's attention. He meowed hoarsely and tried to catch raindrops with his tongue to quench his growing thirst.

After another hour, Arthur finally admitted to himself that no one was going to help him. He was at the edge of the Forbidden Forest and no students were going to be wandering around on a rainy day. The only thing his meows would do would be to attract the attention of more dangerous creatures that dwelled within the forest.

Gathering every ounce of his courage, Arthur slowly retracted his claws from the branch and stood up. The ground swayed below him and he closed his eyes in terror. After a few seconds to steel his nerves, he slowly opened them again and stared resolutely at the tree trunk in front of him.

Cats ran up and down trees all the time. He could do this. And if he didn't do it, his professors would eventually realize he was missing. They would organize a search party, discover him stuck in a tree, and he would become the laughingstock of Hogwarts.

Deciding that some fates were worse than death, Arthur hooked his claws in the tree in front of him and slowly lowered himself back down to the ground, one paw at a time. It was terrifying, exhausting work. It felt like he had barely made it more than half-way down when he suddenly lost his grip with his front left paw. He fell backward and twisted in terror before instinct kicked in and he landed on the ground on all four paws.

The sound of baying in the distance gave Arthur a speed he had never known possible. He raced back to the castle like the wind. Once inside, he hurried to the kitchens and mewled plaintively outside the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room.

"Alfred, your cat's back and he looks like something the cat dragged in," Phoebe called as she let Arthur into the common room.

Alfred hurried over to the door and scooped Arthur into his arms. "Oh man, Figgy, what happened to you?" he asked, petting Arthur's damp fur.

Before Arthur knew it, he was wrapped in a warm blanket and placed on Alfred's bed as the boy fetched him some leftover sausages from the kitchen. He drowsed contentedly, even as he continued to worry about his predicament.

It occurred to Arthur as he ate the sausages that no Slytherin would have opened the door for an abandoned, mangy cat. They never would have gotten him food or let him sleep on their beds. Even if they had known who he was, they would have just laughed at Arthur for letting his pride trap him in feline form. Arthur looked down on Hufflepuffs, but when he needed help, they were the ones he could turn to.

He thought his social stature was too far above Alfred to approach him in public, but maybe Alfred was too good for _him_. After Arthur's exhausting day, even those depressing thoughts weren't enough to keep him awake. He fell asleep in the cozy bed of a boy he didn't deserve.

* * *

Arthur slept in late on Sunday morning and was awoken by the scent of sausages.

"Here, I snuck you some from the dining hall," Alfred explained as he pulled a few links out of his pockets and offered them to the hungry kitty.

Arthur was too ravenous to complain about Alfred's unsanitary pockets. He dug in greedily and delighted in the intense flavors he had never experienced before. He ate until his belly was stuffed full and then plopped down on the bed, blinking his eyes with contentment.

"I should probably figure out who your owner is," Alfred said with a wistful sigh. "I bet they're missing you right now."

Arthur would have snorted if he could. It wouldn't be until Monday when his House lost points because of his absence in class that anyone would say anything. It was depressing when Arthur thought about it. He had friends aplenty when things were going well, but no one who cared about him when he was in trouble.

He gratefully accepted Alfred's scratches and pets as a new plan began to form in his head. Slytherins did have a few redeeming traits, after all, especially resourcefulness and cunning. Arthur jumped off the bed and sauntered over to Alfred's trunk with his tail held high. He pawed the lid and gave Alfred an impatient look.

"Do you want to eat something from my trunk?" Alfred asked as he opened it up.

Arthur placed his paws on the rim of the trunk and stood on his haunches to get a good look at the selection of books. He pawed at the one on Transfigurations.

Alfred laughed. "Sorry, Figgy, you can't eat my book."

Setting aside his pride, Arthur meowed plaintively and stared up at Alfred with wide kitty-cat eyes.

"Okay, okay, you can nibble on the edges if you want," Alfred relented as he pulled out the book and lay it on his bed.

Arthur pawed the pages, trying to turn to the section on animal transfigurations without much success. He mrreowed in frustrated annoyance.

"It's not a very good toy, is it?" Alfred asked with a laugh. He flipped through the pages and Arthur stuck out his paw when he caught sight of a picture of a wizard turning into a cat. "Oh look, there's another kitty!" Alfred agreed happily.

Arthur read as swiftly as he could, refreshing his memory on the portions he had only skimmed earlier. Apparently there was a danger of becoming trapped in the transformation if he decided that he liked being an animal more than he liked being a man. There was also a spell that another person could use to force an animagus back into their human form. Perhaps there was some way he could convince Alfred of his predicament and get the other student to turn him back. It would hurt Arthur's pride, but it was better than using a houseplant as a bathroom.

When Arthur looked up, he saw that Alfred was staring at him in shock. "Oh my god," Alfred whispered under his breath. "You're not a cat."

Arthur shook his head, pleased that his plan was working…

"You're a Kneazle!" Alfred cried.

…or not. Arthur planted his face into his paws.

"Wow, no wonder you're so smart," Alfred gushed.

Arthur decided it was time for a new plan. He enjoyed being a cat because it allowed him to spend time with his crush with zero repercussions. He had never truly realized how lonely he felt as a human, kept away from others by stupid boundaries of wealth and class. As soon as he returned to being a human, he was going to talk to whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted, without worrying about what his classmates thought. If they didn't even care that he had disappeared for two days, their opinions were worth nothing.

With a swish of his tail, Arthur led Alfred to the door that led out of the Hufflepuff common room. He waited for Alfred to open it for him and then confidently walked to the entrance to the Slytherin common room in the dungeons below the lake.

"Is your owner a Slytherin?" Alfred asked, his eyebrows raised high in surprise.

Arthur nodded. He wasn't surprised when their approach attracted the attention of Jude and Blake, the biggest bullies in Slytherin. The boys glanced at Alfred in surprise, then gave him a smug look, like jackals eyeing a mouse that had wandered into their den.

"Are you talking to that cat?" Jude asked with a snicker.

"You shouldn't be here, Hufflepuff," Blake added dismissively.

"I'm just looking for his owner," Alfred responded innocently, too naïve to recognize the threat. "You don't know who he belongs to, do you?"

"He's mine," Jude lied. He reached down to grab Arthur and was rewarded with a hiss and claw marks in the face.

"Bad cat!" Blake yelled. He tried to kick Arthur, but Arthur nimbly dodged out of the way, leading to Blake kicking Jude in the face instead.

"Don't touch him!" Alfred shouted, whipping out his wand and pointing it threateningly at the two Slytherins. If Alfred were a Slytherin, he would have stupefied the other two boys before they had a chance to fight back. Instead he stupidly gave them a chance to pull out their own wands and get ready to fire off spells.

Fortunately for Alfred, Arthur believed in dirty fighting. _Extremely_ dirty fighting. He launched himself straight at Jude's crotch and clawed him in the balls. The boy emitted a high-pitched shriek of pure pain. He fell to the floor and curled into a fetal position.

Arthur nimbly jumped away, but yowled in pain when Blake suddenly grabbed his tail.

"Stupefy!" Alfred shouted, knocking Blake unconscious with a sudden bolt of white light. The screams of pain had attracted an audience of Slytherin students, who opened the door just in time to see Alfred stun Blake right in the face.

Blake hit the stone wall and landed in an unconscious heap on the floor.

Ignoring the onlookers, Alfred pointed his wand at Jude, who was still whimpering on the floor. "Don't you _ever_ hurt a cat again," Alfred growled. He scooped Arthur up into his arms and blinked as he suddenly noticed the Slytherins staring at him, some with their wands raised. "Oh hey, is anyone missing a cat?" he asked innocently.

The Slytherins glanced around in surprise and shook their heads.

"Guess I'll keep him," Alfred said, turning around to leave. He froze in surprise when he saw his path blocked by Professor Rancor, the head of Slytherin House. The professor gave him a cold gaze. Alfred gulped. "I was just…"

"I can see what you were trying to do," the Professor replied briskly. He snorted dismissively at the whimpering Jude and the unconscious Blake. "That was a pathetic fight. Twenty points from Slytherin," he announced.

"But he attacked us," Jude lied with a whimper of pain.

"Don't lie to me boy. You've already embarrassed us enough by getting your asses handed to you by a Hufflepuff."

The other Slytherins snickered at Jude and Blake. Arthur affectionately butted his head against Alfred's chin one last time and then struggled just enough to signal that he wanted down.

"Are you sure?" Alfred asked, giving the Slytherin common room a dubious look.

Arthur nodded and hopped down. He paused at the doorway and glanced at Alfred over his shoulder.

"Bye, Figgy," Alfred said. "Come visit whenever you want."

Arthur smiled to himself. He fully intended to, but not in the form that Alfred expected.

* * *

The spell to transform back was as simple as willing himself into his proper form and this time Arthur returned easily to his human form. He sighed with relief and used the bathroom that he had been dying to use for days.

As Arthur walked back into the common room, one of his classmates gave him a sly nod. "Didn't see you around this weekend, Arthur," he said with a raised eyebrow.

"I was sleeping in someone else's bed," Arthur replied a smirk.

Arthur could hear the other Slytherins immediately start to gossip about his supposed paramour, but he ignored them in favor of slipping out the door and hurrying down the hallway to catch up with Alfred. He finally spotted Alfred climbing the stairs that led to the dining hall.

"Wait up!" Arthur cried.

Alfred whirled around and reached for his wand. After the warm looks that Alfred had given cat-Arthur all weekend, it was rather disheartening to see the slight suspicion on his face.

Arthur held up his hands in a placating gesture. "I just heard what you did and I wanted to thank you for protecting my cat from those two bullies."

"Figgy's your kitty?" Alfred asked with a hint of disappointment.

"Oscar belongs to a friend of mine. I was supposed to be watching him this weekend, but he disappeared on Friday night and I've been worried sick. It looks like you took good care of him." Remembering all of the gentle cuddles they had shared, Arthur gave Alfred a warm smile.

"Yeah," Alfred smiled tentatively back. "Did you know he's part Kneazle?"

"Yes. I think it's what gives him some of his special abilities."

Alfred nodded. "He's super smart!"

"That he is," Arthur agreed, "though his most impressive skill is his gaydar. That's why my friend named him after Oscar Wilde."

Alfred gaped. "He can tell if dudes like dudes? Where can _I_ get one of those?"

"Oh, they're not for sale yet, but I'm hoping to open a business after I graduate," Arthur replied. He had made up the lie on the spot to signal his own sexual orientation to the clueless Hufflepuff, but now that he thought about it, magical pets for gays, bisexuals, and lesbians sounded like a wonderful business opportunity. "It's hard enough to ask someone on a date without having to make sure they aren't straight first."

"Tell me about it!" Alfred agreed. His eyes suddenly widened. "Hey, are you…?"

"…free next Hogsmeade weekend?" Arthur asked smoothly. He grinned. "I am. And I owe you a Butterbeer for looking after my cat."

"Sounds good," Alfred replied a slight blush. "See you then!"

"Bye." Arthur waved as Alfred headed off to the dining hall. In the empty corridor, Arthur smiled to himself. Perhaps one day he would admit his feline deception, but until then, he looked forward to getting to know Alfred in his own form.

* * *

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 _A/N: Yes, my efforts to write USUK in all the House combinations continues! There's a special place in my heart for Hufflepuff America. That boy is such a sweetheart._


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